"Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening." — Emma Thompson. Everyone is born with the ability to communicate. Even as a baby, you cried to communicate a need for something and as time went on, you formulated words to more accurately express your emotions. Communication is innate within everyone. However, many today don't realize the importance of improving our communication skills and some are not even aware that they can. Today, we'll explore useful skills that, when implemented, will improve your communication with your family and others around you and thereby strengthen your relationships.
Effective communication within a family is very important for a family to stay strong and close to one another. Because you live together, you communicate with each other on a daily basis. With so much communication, think about how beneficial to your family it would be to have your communication skills improve! Learning how to effectively communicate and listen to members of your family will bring you a greater closeness and love with each other.
Communication is never one-sided. By definition, it is the "means of sending or receiving information". Therefore, it takes a person to express themselves accurately and a person to accurately read what the other person is trying to convey. Communication takes both effective speaking and listening. Think about a "check engine" light in a car. A person may see the signal, but if they are uninformed about what it means, the message will not be clear to them, and they will take no course of action to fix it. So it is with people. Someone may communicate a need that they have, but if the other person in the conversation doesn't listen or understand what is being expressed, it is of little help to either person. On the other hand, if someone does not understand how to communicate their problem, the person they are seeking help from will not be able to help in that situation either.
If you thought that communication was simply expressing words, you would be sorely mistaken. There is often much more to communication than simply using words. Studies have shown that words only constitute 14% of communication. The rest of communication is done through tone of voice (35%) and nonverbally (51%). Understanding how to express one's self through these communication mediums and learning how to accurately read others' feelings is crucial to effective communication. If you feel unheard or misunderstood, it creates frustration between you and the person who is misinterpreting what you are trying to convey. This frustration typically leads to conflict which leads to damage in relationships if not dealt with properly.
David Burns, an American psychiatrist and author of the book: "Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work", provides a solution to misunderstanding with his "Five Secrets to Effective Communication". He suggests using these five steps when dealing with conflict with another person. They are:
1. The Disarming Technique (DT): Find some truth in what the patient is saying, even if it seems unreasonable or unfair.
2. Put yourself in the patient’s shoes; try to see the world through his or her eyes. Thought empathy (TE): Paraphrase the patient’s words.
3. Inquiry (IN): Ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the patient is thinking and feeling.
4. "I Feel" Statements (IF): Express your feelings tactfully, using low-key, dignified language. Use "I feel" statements (such as "I’m also feeling upset") rather than "you" statements (such as "you’re not listening") which put the other person on the defensive.
5. Stroking (ST): Find something genuinely positive to say, even in the heat of battle. Convey an attitude of respect, even though you may feel.
Why has this method worked so effectively for so many people around the world? It is because following these five steps is a healthy way that gives you the opportunity to feel heard, resolve misunderstandings, and find what is true. Usually, conflict between others comes because of a misunderstanding. A simple solution to resolving conflict then would be to find what is true! Finding the truth in what another person says in an argument will often resolve it. In the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord defines truth as "knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come;". As you approach conflict with these five steps, you will have a better understanding of what is true. This understanding will not only bring you closer to the person with whom you are arguing with, but it will bring you closer to God. For as the scripture continues to say: "The Spirit of truth is of God.".
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