Can I find "the one"?

Through watching, listening, or reading materials about marriage, often what we gather is the idea that there is "one person" that we are destined to be with. Is that true? Is our future spouse and relationship to them written in the stars as Hollywood typically portrays it to be? There are many opinions on this topic and there may not be a clear definite answer. Maybe there is, but there are exceptions to the rule. However, whether people believe in a predestined marital relationship or not, most still wonder and have to decide who to marry.

One of the very first commandments given to us by the Lord was regarding marriage. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24). As we see, this commandment from God demonstrates the importance of marriage. With such a big decision, it's no wonder why people feel pressure to find the right person. Unlike picking out what outfit to wear or what to have for breakfast, this is a choice that has consequences for life, and for Latter-Day Saints who marry in the temple, an Eternity!

There are many factors that come into play while searching out a future mate and some factors weigh more than others. For some people, someone with social status and economic stability may be more important to find. Others may favor someone who is compassionate and service oriented. Many of these preferences are found through dating! Dating is a great opportunity to get to know who a person is, find out what they value, and learn what kind of spouse they will be in the future. Unfortunately, younger people of our generation are turning away from dating and putting off marriage. As Brad Wilcox has said: "Many young adults see marriage as “nice,” but not a priority and view their 20s as a time to focus on education, work and fun.”. What some may not realize is that this is God's purpose for us! We are here to learn to become like God and marriage and parenthood are a necessary part of that.

Before marriage, it's important to get to know the person. Too often young adults are putting themselves in "hanging out" situations in contrast to dating but "hanging out" isn't very telling about a person. It doesn't show how they interact with others socially, how they handle a challenge, what they really enjoy doing. No, instead, many insist that watching a movie in their college dorm really gets you to know the person better.

What would happen if people started dating more? For one thing, there may be less pressure on the date. Nowadays, asking someone on a date seems like the person is proposing, proposing but if both had the intention of simply getting to know one another better, wouldn't there be a lot less stress? Plus, going on more dates would allow people to get to know others better and would give them the opportunity to identify what traits they would like to see in their future spouse! A date is a chance to get to know people better and find better people to date.

Another benefit to dating is that there is a defined plan and level of commitment. There has been a phrase used "sliding vs deciding" when regarding dating habits of today. Most people tend to not define a relationship or define what a date is, and it creates a lot of stress due to the relationship relying on many unknowns. If there were clear lines drawn from the first date, there would be a sense and level of commitment which, in case you didn't recognize, is kind of an important part of marriage.

There have also been many studies done showing how well people of similar or differing backgrounds tend to fair when they are married. Such factors include age, race and ethnicity, and religion. Most studies found that people tend to do better in relationships that are homogeneous or, in other words, relationships with people who are similar in these aspects. This does not mean that all marriages must be with people who are the same as us, but it is beneficial to this consider when trying to find the right person to marry.

Ultimately, it takes time, togetherness, and talking to really get to know a person according to John Van who holds a PhD in political science. The end goal for dating, the whole purpose behind it, is to get to know someone. Through dating, a person can find who they get along with. They will feel that something is different when they find someone with whom they feel strongly they should

marry. To answer the original question: "Can I find "the one"?", the answer is yes! Through coming to know someone, and prayerful consideration, anyone can find "the one". Whether the relationship was written in the stars or not is still up to debate, but through dating and seeking a person to marry, there is no question whether or not that person can be found. In these days, people believe in a false expectation that they must know how a relationship will play out before they start one. That's the whole point of a relationship though! You won't know what will happen unless you try, unless you look, unless you date.