"The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty." This profound quote by Elder Jeffery R Holland invites any listener or reader to ponder more deeply how we should love one another. Loyalty suggests action. Maintaining a strong relationship with one's spouse is not accomplished merely by having affectionate feelings for that person. In order for a couple to stay riveted on one another, their love must be cultivated through acts of service, kind expressions, and words of endearment.
Couples who marry don't look into the eyes of their future companion as they take their wedding vows with the intent of being divorced, but many will find themselves slowly drifting apart. Often times, a husband or wife will stray farther from each other and closer to another individual. Today I am addressing the destructive effects of affairs on marriage. The wedges between husband and wife are not hammered in immediately, but there are signs that, if understood and recognized, could prevent an affair from happening. Furthermore, as Lynn G. Robbins has said: "It is easier to avoid temptation than to resist it." The tension between spouses during an affair is not easy to assuage and the pain it causes is not easy to resolve.
To prevent an affair from occurring, one must first recognize how affairs typically form. Brother Scott Gardner, a PhD licensed marriage and family therapist, observed various kinds of disloyalty between a husband and wife and suggests that one reason many affairs happen comes as a result of a fantasy affair. Brother Gardner defines a fantasy affair as having "an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous and would likely never be met". This suggests that even the thought of having an affair is dangerous and should be cross-examined when considering the state of a person's marriage. Jesus taught that "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.". The reason Jesus gives us such strict commandments is that he doesn't want us going even remotely close to the cliff of sin. His demand for high standards comes because of the high love that He has for us. President Harold B. Lee explained this principle well when he said: "Thought is the father of an act. No man ever committed murder who did not first become angry. No one ever committed adultery without a preceding immoral thought. The thief did not steal except he first coveted that which was his neighbor's.". If we are not careful to watch our thoughts, our actions will result in what we think. How does a couple ensure loyalty? A couple ensures loyalty by strictly prohibiting thoughts of disloyalty from entering their mind.
Thoughts of infidelity are not the only enemy that threatens a couple's connection. Outside influencers must also have clear boundaries drawn between them and the marriage to ensure loyalty to one another. A couple is a separate unit from their friends and family. This may be difficult to accept by their close friends and family, especially as they are newly married. Establishing these newly drawn lines may be difficult. However, if there are no clear boundaries set between the couple and others, the marriage is at risk of falling apart. There are numerous reported cases of couples speaking ill about their spouse to a close friend or relative. Not only does this drive a wedge between a husband and wife, but it creates an emotional connection with the person with whom the spouse is sharing intimate feelings with. God has commanded: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else”. "None else" implies that once the couple is married, they are each other's highest priority. Establishing clear boundaries with others is an important element in keeping a marriage intact. Setting boundaries not only separates the couple from potentially dangerous relationships with others, but it more clearly establishes the couple's devotion to one another. How can a couple ensure loyalty? A couple ensures loyalty by strictly setting boundaries with others.
Ultimately, a husband and wife must not only be watchful of potential dangers that threaten a marriage, but also watchful of each other's needs. As husbands serve their wives and express their love through kinds acts of service; as wives compassionately show their appreciation to their husbands, marital bonds will strengthen. Every marriage requires effort from both partners. To maintain a strong relationship, a couple must actively seek to understand each other's needs, whether they be emotional, physical, social, or even sexual, and fulfill their needs to the best they can. As they do so, they will come to know each other better and understand why marriage is ordained by God.
Works Cited:
Lynn G. Robbins, & https://speeches.byu.edu/speakers/lynn-g-robbins/. "“Avoid It”" BYU Speeches, Publication_Date, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lynn-g-robbins/avoid/.
Jeffery R. Holland "The First Great Commandment" October 2012, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2012/10/the-first-great-commandment?lang=eng.
Scott Gardner "Affair Prevention"
Comments
Post a Comment