Blended Families. Tied Together by Law or by Love?

 Blended Families. Tied Together by Law or by Love?

The family is a complex unit. Each relationship inside the family (mother to daughter, father to son, brother to sister, and so on) comes with its own set of unique challenges which are difficult to accommodate. However, even more challenging than meeting the needs of individual family members is bringing two different families together. Blended families are families that bring children from previous relationships together to form a new family unit. Although there are many challenges that accompany this new collaboration, there are also many opportunities!

Security is something essential for raising children. With so much changing in a child's life, it is important for young people to find stability and usually the family is a great place to do that. However, for remarried families, they are "less likely to enjoy a sense of security since history and traditions are inchoate. The different modus operandi may be experienced as culture shock, especially in relation to childrearing styles.". This makes it increasingly difficult to raise children. Not only are there going to be adjustments with meshing parenting styles, but there are also more questions that the children have such as: "Who will I live with and when?", "Will I still get to see my friends?", or "How will I adjust to having a new sibling?". These questions can make it difficult for children who are already facing so many questions about the future.

The National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse suggests three ways to help families adjust to the unknown challenges that arise when blending families. These suggestions are:

Take the mystery out of planning to blend families together by open discussions about the changes that will be happening. Going over common myths about blended families and what to expect as a family can help ease any tension or anxiety you or your family may be feeling. 

A remarriage that includes children from a previous relationship requires some adjustments.

Take time to be actively involved in your stepchildren’s lives. Research indicates that although stepfathers are generally less involved with children than are biological fathers, they have positive impacts on child well-being.

Something notable about these suggestions is the fact of keeping everything in the open. The more clearly defined a situation is before it begins, the less room there is for expectations and disappointments. Imagine taking a child on a huge rollercoaster. Although you know that it will be fun for them, they still should be prepared for what they are about to experience. You would want to tell them all the details that you can about the ride and how they will feel. Then, when your child rides the rollercoaster, even though it is scary, they expected what was coming and were prepared. They enjoyed the experience more because they knew what was to come. Similarly, children who are prepared by knowing what a bonded family relationship will look like are more likely to adjust positively to the merging of families.

Implementing these parenting strategies can help families overcome the challenges that accompany combined marriages. Challenging experiences, if handled in the right way, lead to stronger relationships. Francine Christensen, author of the article: "Blending Family Styles: Making a Second Marriage Work" says that:"Second marriages can work and are working. No marriage become perfect overnight, and some problems may never be resolved. But it is an extremely satisfying experience to see your new family develop individually and learn to love each other.". Really, the strength of a family depends on the attitude of its members. If all family members are willing to create a great family, they are bound to see miraculous results. The family then will not only be bound legally to one another, but will have genuine love and care for each other's well-being.

Works Cited:

"Blended Families" Fatherhood.gov, https://www.fatherhood.gov/for-dads/blended-families

Francine Christensen "Blending Family Styles: Making a Second Marriage Work" June 1981, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1981/06/blending-family-styles-making-a-second-marriage-work?lang=eng.

Clifford J. Sager, Hollis Steer Brown, Helen Crohn, Tamara Engel, Evelyn Rodstein, Treating the Remarried Family, 1st Edition, 1983