While in my Family Relations class, my professor posed a question which produced surprising results. He asked us each to think about a time when we learned a significant life lesson as a child. He proceeded to ask us to raise our hands if we had learned that lesson from a punishment our parents gave us. Nobody raised their hand. He then asked if we learned it from a reward that we received from our parents. Again, no hands in the room went up. Finally, he asked if what we had learned had simply been by experiencing a situation that taught us a lesson. This time, almost all the hands in the room went up. This really surprised me! Aren't parents supposed to be the ones to teach their children everything they need to know for life? Today I'll be tackling this question and attempting to present the balance between teaching children and letting them learn on their own.
First, when speaking of parenting, it is vital to mention how God parents His children. Heavenly Father is the Perfect Parent and, as such, it is helpful to learn from His example of parenting and teaching. Something that our Heavenly Father will always honor is our ability to choose, but giving us this ability also opens up the opportunity for us to make mistakes. I often think about how hard it must be for God, who loves us and knows what will lead to our greatest happiness, to watch us deliberately make decisions that He knows will result in our downfall. Many people ask: "Why God does allow His children to act in ways that are detrimental to their well-being? Doesn't He love His children?". In response, I would say that it is because of this very love that He lets us make our own choices. He knows that we must choose Eternal Life, that we must choose to live His commandments to live with Him again, and that we must choose to learn all that He knows.
The Chinese Philosopher Confucius once said: "Tell me and I will forget, show me and I may remember; involve me and I will understand.". This principle has taught me so much about how to teach others! Instead of lecturing or instructing, to be effective in teaching, someone must involve that other person so that they really understand and learn what is being taught. This is one of the greatest reasons why we come to earth. I'm sure that Heavenly Father taught us everything that they would learn here before they came, but there were some things that we would not fully understand without the experiences of mortal life. However, this life is hard! Why does God allow His children to go through hard things?
It turns out that adversity is one of the best teachers. Letting children go through hard things and teaching them how to respond will help them grow stronger from the experience that they go through. Although parents must teach their children, "when kids are given room to make their own decisions, their brains learn how to make hard choices.". Joseph Smith once said that, as a leader, he was to "teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.". Similarly, parents must teach their children right from wrong, because otherwise they will learn that from another source that may not be trustworthy. Parents also must educate their children about the consequences of their decisions. However, from there, parents must a child choose for themselves and learn from their actions. When it comes to parenting, finding a balance between letting children learn and teaching children is the key.
Where is that balance found? How can a parent be involved in the learning of a child while still allowing them to learn on their own? It comes down to a few principles. For a child to be successful and ready for the world, a parent must:
1- Clearly teach a child right from wrong and teach them the consequences of their actions.
2-Follow through with punishments that have been previously established.
3- Let them learn from their own decisions.
4-Be a good example to their children. They will want to become like their parents!
5-Love children and be approachable.
Parenting does not come with a guide book. It is challenging and how parents handle one situation will not reflect how they should handle every situation. Although it is difficult, as parents follow correct principles, try their best, teach those principles to their children, love their children, and look to Heavenly Father as a perfect example, parents will be successful.
References:
https://ptaourchildren.org/teach-kids-decision-making-skills/
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