Fatherhood. Lessons my dad taught me.

Below are some things that I have learned from my dad’s incredible example. His great ability to teach and love has shaped me into who I am today.

“All children need guidance and discipline to mature in a healthy way. Setting reasonable limits and boundaries is a part of responsible fathering. This means that fathers will remind their children of the consequences of their actions, both good and bad.”. 

Although I do not have experience with being a father, I can imagine that it would be difficult to know how to discipline a child. A father could be too hard on a child or not hard enough and both would cause problems. My dad was great at following through with punishments if we knowingly disobeyed while still expressing his love for us as his children. 

 “A related temptation is to make each child responsible only for his own mess, to put away his own toys, to clean his own room, to do his own laundry, and then to consider this enough family work to require of a child. When we structure work this way, we may shortchange ourselves by minimizing the potential for growing together that comes from doing the work for and with each other.”

When I was young, I remember being so frustrated that I had to clean up a mess that I didn’t make. It made sense that if I was clean, I shouldn’t have the consequence of picking up after others. I have since realized that this is a selfish approach to cleaning or any kind of situation in life for that matter. My parents were great at teaching me that as a family, we all have a part to play. They also taught me that helping others is far more rewarding that serving yourself. Teaching children how to love and serve is crucial to the role of a successful father.

 “Caring for our large family kept all of us busy most of the time. Mother was the overseer of the inside work, and Dad the outside, but I also remember seeing my father sweep floors, wash dishes, and cook meals when his help was needed.”

            My family line goes far back with great men who honored their wives. I am grateful for these incredible examples of gentlemen who have taught me how I should live. Although I don’t remember meeting him, I have been told and have read many great stories about my great grandfather Lee Call. From his many stories, I heard that to support his wife, he would always do the dishes after dinner. This was his way of expressing gratitude for the great meal that my great grandmother would prepare. Simple acts like these not only strengthen marital bonds, but they also teach children lessons that are more powerful than most sermons could be.

 “A father will be more successful if he adjusts his schedule to listen when they want to talk; if he waits, he may lose a valuable moment.”

This is one thing that I value most about my dad. He would take so many spontaneous opportunities to teach me valuable life lessons. I still vividly remember the time when my dad and I were standing on the shoreline of a fishing lake. While I was walking along the rocks, he asked me a question that has stuck in my mind ever since. He said: “Josh, who are you?” After explaining to him the things that I liked to do and the interests that I had, he said: “Those are things that you like Josh, but who are you?”. He continued and taught me about my family history, the church I belonged to, and my identity as a son of God. I will always treasure and remember these precious times that my dad took to teach me truths with eternal significance.

“Loving relationships develop best as fathers take time to play, laugh, work, read, pray, talk, walk, and engage in other wholesome family activities with their children. Parents often must plan and schedule these activities; they likely will not happen very often by coincidence. In fact, children grow up so quickly that if parents do not look for opportunities to change and adapt, to spend time with their children, precious opportunities may be missed.”

My parents sacrificed so much so that they could spend time with us. Time together, whether that be on trips or in the home, is more valuable that almost anything. This intentional time that we got to spend together is one thing I accredit our familial closeness too. I feel so incredibly close to my family and a big part of that is because of the time that we have spent with each other.

Resources:

Kathleen Slaugh Bahr, Cheri A. Loveless, & https://magazine.byu.edu/writers/kathleen-slaugh-bahr/. "Family Work: The Chores That Bind Us" Y Magazine, https://magazine.byu.edu/article/family-work/.

Jerry Harris "Becoming an Influential Father" Publication_Title, Publication_Date, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2010/02/becoming-an-influential-father?lang=eng.